


North vs. The 8000

by GretchenSinister



Series: My Top 10 Blacksand Kinkmeme Fics [12]
Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: 8000 Blacksand AUs, Alternate Universe - Hellboy Fusion, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretchenSinister/pseuds/GretchenSinister
Summary: Original Prompt: "ROTG/HellboyI…I don’t know why I want it. I just do."Oh my gosh, you guys, I had fun with this. We’ve got eldritch abomination husbands, blood red blacksand, North as a magical USSR supersoldier experiment that didn’t go as planned, Bunny as…Bunny (in a mostly human setting, hella yeah), Jack as the newbie agent, possible Rainbow Snowcone vs. Christmas Cookie conflicts in the future…I wanted to write a RotG/Hellboy AU after rewatching Hellboy recently and I think I made it work!
Relationships: Pitch Black/Sanderson Mansnoozie
Series: My Top 10 Blacksand Kinkmeme Fics [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654639
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10
Collections: Blacksand Short Fics





	North vs. The 8000

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on 12/28/2013.

“Agent Frost! I’m glad to see you agreed to the transfer.” The elderly man beamed at him as he stared around the library, all warm wood and soft light—nothing like what he had expected based on the industrial gray of the building he had entered.  
  
“Well, in all honesty, I couldn’t refuse. I just had to find out if the BPRD really existed…wait, are you the one who requested my transfer? That would make you, um, Mr.? Ombric?”  
  
“Just Ombric will be fine.”  
  
“Ombric, right. It’s great to meet you, sir,” Jack said. After they shook hands, Jack looked up and around at the ceiling and the walls again. “Sorry if this is a dumb question, but is this place inside a tree?”  
  
“It’s not exactly an ordinary tree,” Ombric said kindly. “But you’ll find that little is exactly ordinary around here.”  
  
“You’ve got that right.”  
  
Jack turned toward the Australian-accented voice and his jaw dropped.  
  
“No _Harvey_ jokes, okay, kid? I’m older than I look and I’ve heard them all.”   
  
“Agent Frost, this is Bunny.” Obric nodded toward the man-sized, anthropomorphic rabbit who was looking at both of them skeptically. “That’s just his name, though. To speak accurately, he’s a pooka. Bunny, this is Agent Frost.”  
  
“Doesn’t look like much,” Bunny said. “Got any hidden talents? The name mean anything?”  
  
“I—no—I’m normal,” Jack said, flustered.  
  
“Yeah, great. We love that around here,” Bunny said, and Jack felt heat prickle in his cheeks thanks to his sarcastic tone.  
  
Ombric shook his head at Bunny. “Agent Frost is here a liaison for both North _and_ you, Bunny. There are signs that the next big case we have may involve a great deal of fieldwork, and you know very well that people will be more likely to answer questions if someone who looks like Frost is asking them.”  
  
Bunny just rolled his eyes. “By the way, when are we getting briefed on that new case? You were dropping hints all morning.”  
  
“After Agent Frost meets North. We shouldn’t be long, you might as well stay in the library.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Following a brief detour to the kitchens, Ombric and Jack walked down a hallway that matched the industrial gray of the upper building far more than the tree-supported library. “Is there anything I should know about North before I meet him?” asked Jack. “Why am I bringing him Christmas cookies in September?”  
  
“He likes them,” Ombric answered. “As for North…you wouldn’t expect the USSR to have been involved with the fey during the Cold War. But you’d be mistaken. As were they, in trying to involve both convicts and magic in their supersoldier program.”  
  
“Supersoldier? Magic? What—” Jack had no idea what question he was going to ask, but it didn’t matter, since in the next moment a guard unlocked a door and opened it into a cozy, rustic living room. In the corner, a heavily tattooed man with brown hair and beard was lifting weights. Said weights were very heavy, and said heavily tattooed man was both shirtless and somewhere above seven feet in height.  
  
“Ombric!” he cried, dropping the weights to the floor, where they landed with a thunderous clang. “You are not avoiding me then? Told you it would be all right, I blend in with city no problem!”  
  
Ombric frowned sternly at him. “Manny is still doing damage control. You _could_ blend in, North, I admit. But you don’t.”  
  
North waved his hand dismissively. “Manny needs something to do. What else would he spend time on? Pushing paper, shuffling around agents—”  
  
“North, I’d like you to meet Agent Frost,” Ombric said, pushing Jack forward. “He’s your new liaison.”  
  
“Hi,” said Jack, grinning as he held the plate of cookies up. “Cookie?”  
  
North took a sugar cookie frosted like a decorated Christmas tree and looked thoughtfully at Jack as he ate it. “Has he met Bunny yet?” he asked.  
  
Ombric nodded, and North considered Jack’s relatively calm expression.  
  
“Well, maybe he will be working out,” North said.  
  
“He’ll need to. We’re going to need all the help we can get on this next case. We’re calling in everyone.”  
  
“Even—” North’s eyes lit up, then he shook his head. “No. She is plucking all her feathers, trying to forget…but did you send her a message?”  
  
“She asked not to be contacted, North. You know that. I’m sorry. Now put on a shirt. You need to be briefed as soon as possible. Bunny’s already waiting in the library.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“So what are we dealing with?” asked Bunny. “You kept hinting that it was something big.”  
  
North laughed. “We have dealt with _big_ before. What could this possibly be that could surprise us?”  
  
“Well, it’s not a bear,” Ombric said, and North laughed again. Jack wanted to ask what that was all about, but Ombric continued before he could form a question. “There was an incident at the British Museum yesterday. Two small statues—one of obsidian and one of solid gold— _exploded_ after hours. Now, these things happen occasionally, and especially during the new moon. Ordinarily, our British partners would not even mention such occurrences. However, this incident did not remain minor, despite the fact that these two statues were in storage—first, because no one had yet managed to determine from what time period or culture they originated; second, because they were part of the recently acquired collection of the Mansnoozie estate.”  
  
“Mansnoozie?” Bunny interrupted. “Wasn’t he part of the old Guardian Society? And weren’t they—well, on the same side as us?”  
  
“Yes, and yes,” Ombric answered. “But that wasn’t the only side Mansnoozie was on. Or so it appears. Shortly after night fell, the statues exploded—this was recorded by security cameras. After this, the guards who managed to escape the museum report being pursued through the galleries by black horses. One even claimed to have seen glimpses of gold, but he has not been lucid for several hours now. We cannot ask him anything more at this time.  
  
“However, I think the evidence our British counterparts rushed to us speaks for itself.” He brought a packing crate onto the table and lifted the top off so he could remove two large glass jars from the Styrofoam surrounding them.  
  
In one jar, black sand swirled, glimmering deepest blue and violet and seeming to suck the light from the room. In the other, gold sand writhed, catching all the light it could and reflecting it tenfold. The longer it remained in the open, the more blinding it became, and after only a few moments Ombric returned the jar to the crate.  
  
“The Fearspinner,” North said. “Well, challenge is always good.”  
  
“But not just the Fearspinner.” Bunny frowned at the packing crate. “The Dreameater, too.”  
  
Ombric nodded. “What we’re guessing now is that both of them are looking for new human vessels—and that Mansnoozie was the previous vessel for the Dreameater. That’s why he would have owned the statues. His longtime friend—which from a modern perspective and more private diaries of the Guardian Society members we may presume was his lover—one Kosmo Black, was most probably the vessel for the Fearspinner, though, since they were both murdered in 1915, the life-lengthening properties of such possession had not become evident with him, as they had for Lord Mansnoozie.”  
  
“Were they murdered because of their involvement with the Old Men?” Bunny asked.  
  
“As far as we can tell, no. The reports of the time are incomplete, but whoever killed them seemed to have been…ignorant of their dealings with the supernatural. The verse about suffering a witch to live was not the one scrawled with their blood. It was Leviticus that the murderer drew from.”  
  
“And the Dreameater and Fearspinner did nothing about this until now?” North asked. “Seems to me they are not paying much attention to world. Should be easy to drive them out.”  
  
“North—1915,” Bunny said.  
  
“I am pretty sure this is not anything to do with World War I,” North said.  
  
“Wait—dreams?” Jack said softly. “1915’s the year the Encephalitis lethargica epidemic started, right? Sleepy sickness?”  
  
“So he knows his history,” Bunny commented.  
  
“I just—uh—read a lot of comics,” Jack muttered.  
  
“They must be the right kind of comics,” Ombric said. “Because, yes, now we are suspecting that the epidemic started thanks to this incident. After that, they seemed to leave this plane of reality for a while. Sadly, this was not permanent. Now, they seem to be seeking new human vessels—vessels who did not summon them. As this has the potential to undermine the structure of our universe, it is safe to say that this is very big. And not something that we have ever dealt with before.”  
  
“But why now?” asked Bunny.  
  
“There seems to be a coven summoning them,” Ombric answered. “Not a traditional coven, otherwise we could have stopped them sooner. The members are not located in a central area, but rather are spread out over several continents, though many of the more noticeable ones are located throughout North America.”  
  
“So we go and ask them politely to stop?” North raised his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair.  
  
“They don’t even consciously know what they’re doing,” Ombric said. “And I have reason to believe they would be all too delighted to meet us and that this would not incline them to cease their activities.   
  
“No, what we will be doing is seeking out the human vessels that seem to already be attracting the attention of the sands. After leaving the museum, their magic left clear traces on everything that could track such. They’re not even trying to hide.  
  
“We have several leads. In San Francisco, a retired couple. In London, a stage magician and a writer. In Austin, an unemployed oil heir and a fantasy artist. In Boston, a pair of men who, upon further investigation, may in fact be the escaped Sandman and Boogeyman serial killers—don’t worry, Frost, we’ve forwarded that information to the FBI—though if all goes well, they may not need it. A horror writer and an art teacher. A high school guidance counselor and an English teacher. The list goes on. In fact, the reason the Old Men have not chosen vessels yet is because they are spoiled for choice.”  
  
“So what are we supposed to do?” North asked. “This does not seem to be calling for our most particular expertise.”  
  
“Just because it doesn’t involve swordfighting—” Bunny began.  
  
“Oh, it might,” Ombric said mildly. “What we are going to do is try to draw the attention of the Dreameater and Fearspinner towards a pair of vessels we choose. Then, when the Old Men possess them, we will kill those vessels. Hopefully this will keep us free from both of their direct influences for another hundred years.”  
  
“What! You’re going to kill innocent people!” Jack exclaimed, half standing. “This is a terrible plan!”  
  
“Not the innocent.” Bunny was frowning again. “You want us to convince the Dreameater and Fearspinner to possess the Sandman and Boogeyman killers.”  
  
Ombric nodded.  
  
“You realize if this goes wrong, we’re going to have eldritch abominations from a dimension outside the ken of man happily residing in the minds of people who already take great joy in psychic manipulation and cannibalism?”  
  
“I trust that you and North will be able to handle this,” Ombric said calmly. Bunny merely grumbled.  
  


* * *

  
  
After Ombric and North left the library, Jack remained behind with Bunny.  
  
“You probably have a lot of questions,” Bunny said. “I’ll answer if I can make fun of the really stupid ones.”  
  
“Was all that for real? It’s kind of hard to accept,” Jack said, flipping through an ancient tome in a way that made Bunny grimace.  
  
“Realer than you.”  
  
“Cool,” Jack said sarcastically. “Actually, I do have a question. When I met North, he said something about a ‘her’. He mentioned feathers. Do you know who he was talking about?”  
  
“This is really the question you’re going to ask. When we’re literally going to be spending all our time for the foreseeable future trying to get the most godlike things you’ll ever get to stick a tentacle up your arse to follow us on a cross-country road trip that could end up with us as gibbering lunatics.”  
  
“I was just wondering,” Jack said.  
  
“My advice is not to wonder about that. She’s not going to come back. Instead, I suggest you wonder about the fact that we apparently live in a world where covens powerful enough to attract the attention from the Old Men can form accidentally, and pencil in ‘fear the internet’ in your schedule after you’ve properly feared everything else that’s looming over us.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments from Tumblr:
> 
> tejoxys reblogged this from thismightyneed and added:  
> This is like watching a dozen of my favorite movies at the same time. I may scream.
> 
> whentheoceanmetsky reblogged this from gretchensinister and added:  
> OH MY GOD THE INHUMAN NOISE I MADE WHEN YOU MENTIONED FEARSPINNER AND THEN DREAM EATER I JUST ALKFNFDKDFNKL<3333
> 
> THIS IS SO COOL. SOOOOO COOOOOL.
> 
> and of course they’re spoiled for choice we are like the fandom grandmothers “Do you want another AU, lovey? Of course you do.” #ACTUAL FANDOM OVERSTUFFER GRANDMOTHERS #CAN I RETIRE AND BE A FANDOM GRANDMOTHER FOR A LIVING? #BAKE AUS AND UAS AND COO AT ALL THE LITTLE BABY NEWCOMERS
> 
> halibaal said: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffogod
> 
> datenshi-no-hime reblogged this from gretchensinister and added:  
> I didn’t know I wanted this until I read it, and now I want MORE!!!
> 
> thismightyneed reblogged this from marypsue and added:  
> Sometimes I feel sad because I think how tiny of ship blacksand is compared to others, but then I remember 8000 BLACKSAND AUs and everything is 8000 times better for heck sure!#HECK YEAH#THIS IS MY JAM#oh you guys#you don't even know how long that road trip is going to take
> 
> marypsue reblogged this from gretchensinister and added:  
> THIS IS THE MOST MAGICAL THING THAT I THINK I HAVE EVER READ#I'm sorry there aren't words I just keep trying to think of things to say and not thinking of them#every single word is just gold#FEAR THE INTERNET


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